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Archive for May, 2023

My Neurodiverse Voice

The week following my post (that I was Neurodivergent) truly was a surreal roller coaster.

On the Thursday following that post, I participated in my contracting employer’s DEI panel on Neurodivergence. I came out publicly regarding my ADD, PTSD and being on the autistic spectrum, and although I’ve presented on panels and even made public presentations before groups many dozens of times – it was always about WHAT I did professionally – either in IT or as a writer. This time the subject was me, and who I am, which was quite nerve-wracking new territory.

But – it was also liberating. The freedom to speak openly about how I learned that I was neurodivergent, how it has impacted me and the coping mechanisms I’ve developed was empowering, in the sense that I didn’t need to pretend. I could honestly share what it was like to be me, openly and without a mask – something I first began to experience in a limited way under my pseudonym.

Afterward, the positive feedback I received was almost overwhelming, including someone who shared that what I said helped her understand how to work with her own neurodivergent child on a whole deeper level. All my life up to this point, I never thought or felt that what I had to say mattered – but for at least a moment, my words mattered significantly to someone.

Then – after a weekend processing all that (in my own neurodivergent way) I started jury duty on the following Monday. The universe (coincidence or not???) assigned me as juror #11 to a civil lawsuit involving – yes – DEI issues, neurodivergency, accommodations and bullying in a hostile workplace.

Over the course of two intense days, we prospective jurors were all questioned by the judge and both lawyers on those topics. I ended up talking about everything (quite literally) that I had discussed (and more) during the DEI session just days before – but this time, under oath, in the jury box.

Although in the end I was struck from sitting on that jury, it was a deeply profound experience. For two days I spoke the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth about being neurodivergent.

I think the universe is trying to tell me that my voice does indeed matter.

My Unique Neurodiversity

So, I recently decided to publicly come out as neurodivergent – ADD (ADHD without the hyperactivity), ASD (self-diagnosed high-functioning Aspergers) and childhood PTSD – a potent combination because of the dynamic complexity of the conditions, which I’ll delve into on a future post.

This will come as no surprise to those who know me well, and likely explain a few things to those whom I’ve spent time with but don’t know me as well. And now, to be clear on a couple of things…

I know it’s in vogue for people to take an internet test and declare themselves on the spectrum. Not to diminish those self-diagnosing and dealing with genuine ASD but that’s not how it happened for me. Both of my daughters were officially diagnosed as on the spectrum and after some prompting I started self-examination as well, since in different ways they are chips off my block and many of the traits apply to me as well.

Then, yeah, I honestly assessed my self using some those tools and no surprise, the results ranged from “most probably” to “oh yeah, you sure do.” Since I don’t need to spend a couple grand to tell me what I already know, I’ll stick with the self-diagnosis. At least for now.

The ADD was medically diagnosed, after both of my daughters were diagnosed and (again) I recognized the same traits in myself. As for the PTSD, I do invite readers to read my “What Remains Undone” post further down on this blog.

The other thing – why now? The IT contractor I work through did a DEI program on neurodivergence and was looking for neurodivergent panelists to participate – I decided it was time for me to step forward and be part of the conversation.

More details on that, in an upcoming ‘Part Two’ post – “My Neurodiverse Voice.”